I love black thongs
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
