Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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