Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
