Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
