Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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