True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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