Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
