remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
