ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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