i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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