I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
