Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
