Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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