the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
COCAINE IS GR8
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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