I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
