Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
