They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
