You're so nebulous sometimes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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