I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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