He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
