I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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