Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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