Sacagawea was the original milf.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
