Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm at about main and main street
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
