i dont even know how to be here
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
