shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
