I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
