Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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