Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
