bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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