Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
