So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
