You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
