im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
