I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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