Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
where are my eyebrows?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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