anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
