We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How's work?
Spinning.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
