I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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