Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
