I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
