Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
