I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
