Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
