Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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