You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
