I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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