Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
