its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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