I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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