The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
