i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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