so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
