I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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