when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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