I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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