I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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