man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
