Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
