good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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