I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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