she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
