Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
