they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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