Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
