He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
