marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
