I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
