Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUCK WHALES
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
