Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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