YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
