I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
