oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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