She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize