Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
did i just pee glitter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
