Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
