You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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