Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
